T he first time I ever had sex with a woman, I remember being overwhelmed — and not in the way I had expected. It even gave me a newfound empathy for the plight of your average heterosexual male, inwardly sighing that his partner might be ready to go at it again already. Then I smugly counted my XY fortune. Back in my days as a professional dominatrix, one of my most popular services was the ruined orgasm: bringing a man — or letting him bring himself — quickly to the point of climax, causing ejaculation without the muscle-spasming respite of a full-bodied orgasmic release. I never had a female client — nor met a woman since — who was into ruined orgasms. Lesbians, though, reportedly have less trouble reaching orgasm than straight or bi women. If I were a conspiracy theorist kind of feminist, I might think that the lesbian death-bed phenomena was a hetero male ruse, employed to distract straight and particularly bi women from finding out that they were getting shafted while getting it on with men.
2016 was a sexually innovative year
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Justin Bettman for BuzzFeed News. Ellen was terrified as she stood in the foyer of a 5-star hotel in Sydney, waiting for John. The year-old government employee had never hired a male sex worker before. Her self-esteem was at an all-time low since discovering that her husband of 25 years had been cheating on her with multiple women. I didn't feel attractive. Sex work is legal in most states in Australia, and more accessible than in the United States — especially male sex workers for women. When John showed up — 6 feet 2 inches, 47, with a mop of gray curls — Ellen felt like she already knew him. John is cute and goofy, with a toned but not overly muscular body. They rode the elevator up to her floor together to have dinner in the hotel room.
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Suddenly sliding away from that peak is disappointing, to say the least. That's doubly true for women, many of whom find it much harder to achieve orgasm during penetrative sex. In fact, according to a recent survey, only 65 percent of heterosexual women consistently reach the pinnacle of pleasure during sex. So what can you do to help her reach that peak? Help her relax, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph. Translation: if you make a woman feel so good that she completely forgets about everything else, then you're highly likely to give her an orgasm. Of course, every woman is different, so what one woman loves in bed another woman might loathe. That said, there are a few moves that do tend to work — so if your partner is having trouble getting to the finish line, try these tips from real women and sexual health experts. First things first: the vast majority of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, period. In fact, a study of more than 1, women in revealed that only 18 percent of ladies can orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone.
It's not enough that men are already having more orgasms than women. To make matters worse, a new study published in the Journal of Sex Research found — aside from deriving pleasure from their own orgasms, obviously — men also derive a specific sort of masculine pleasure from making female partners orgasm. The researchers in the study, Sara Chadwick and Sari van Anders, refer to this incredibly predictable phenomenon as a "masculinity achievement. The study gathered men to read a story where they had to imagine an "attractive woman" either did or did not orgasm during sex with them. Each man was then asked to rate their sexual esteem and the extent to which they'd feel "masculine" after experiencing the scenario. The results are what you'd expect: Men felt more masculine and felt high self esteem when they imagined a woman orgasmed during sex with them. Let's be clear — there's nothing wrong with feeling good about making your partner feel good in this case, orgasming. It's nice to bring pleasure to your partner! But the researchers point out a sexist flaw in the masculinity boost thing.